If you ever have a conversation with me, generally three things will come up very quickly: True North, The Rez and Lancaster Bible College (LBC). True North was the place I realized I was not who I thought I was. The Rez was where I realized how I had to find myself, and LBC is where I am starting to actually find it. True North was absolutely crucial because I had a lot of misconceptions about what it meant to be a Christian or, even more general than that, a respectable human being. I had thought that I had all the answers going into it. That world view came crashing to a halt when I realized that I was far from knowing everything, and even if I thought that I knew everything, it still didn't matter in the long run. How could I feel like I was doing the right thing, but only find that people were upset and angry at the end?
This puzzled me.
It took me a really long time to truly figure out what it was that I was missing. I was coming from the standpoint that everything I had been taught was inerrant. This goes throughout the whole spectrum, from the mundane, such as that I have two feet, to the complex, such as how physics work, or even to old wives tales, such as that daddy long legs are the most venomous spider. I thought that I knew everything and that I knew it inerrantly. It took two people that year to really break me down so that I could start seeing more clearly.
The first person was Andrea Hawley. The main thing that needs to be noted here is that she was as stubborn as I was, and that is saying something. When we thought we knew something, we would defend it with our lives and not give any ground. This is an awesome gift in some circumstances, but if it is used on say... old wives tales... then there is only going to be trouble. This one thing that may seem mundane to other people, (not being able to convince someone of the "truth") was absolutely devastating to me. I had no idea what to do with myself. I had always kept myself hidden behind my facts and defined myself by these interesting tidbits. Generally, people would humor me and allow me to share my “vast knowledge”. Andrea, on the other hand, did not when she knew differently. That broke me down completely in that I had no idea who I was anymore.
The second person to completely turn me around was LaRynn Blair. LaRynn and I could not be more different. The part that we were most different in was how we interacted with everyone around us. I kept everyone at arm's length, while she could not bring enough people in. She was always trying to encourage and take risks in order to get everyone included, and I was trying my best to keep everything completely balanced and safe. I was self centered; she was community centered. The biggest problems came when she tried to include me in her crazy ideas. I was trying to keep balance, so I thought, “if the guy trying to keep balance was thrown askew what would people think of him?” It was a silly narcissistic thought. I never took any chances when it came to people during True North, and I regret that.
While the program did indeed break me down, it was in the best way possible. The people there helped me out so that the blasted pieces didn't go too far. There was Phil, our fearless leader and his partner in crime Carl the freegan. Our “Mom”, Becky, was always there to share a laugh whenever we needed it. There was Cassie who was always smiling and you could commonly hear playing “The River Flows in You” on the piano downstairs. Candra made it impossible to forget she grew up on a farm and had an absolute love for coffee which would always clash with my roommate Jimmy the hips-tea-r. Jimmy was a great roommate, we kept a lot of times to ourselves, but it was always assured that whenever we did talk, it was meaningful and for hours. All of this team became my family last year, and I cannot thank them enough for not killing me halfway through the year. :)
